No one could call us veteran cruisers. My husband, Gordon, and I have only done one previous ‘real cruise’ plus an ‘expedition’ to Antarctica which in my mind doesn’t count as a cruise. After all, seventy-foot waves and a Force 12 gale isn’t what I’d call cruising conditions, but that’s the Drake Passage for you. It is the world’s roughest crossing and we survived to confirm that.

However, recently our work has thrown us the opportunity to travel on several large cruise ships. In fact we have been on water more than land in the past three months – unless you count the ports of call. But more of them later.

For those contemplating a cruise here are some of the things I learned:

The cabins (even the cheapest) are big enough: They may not appear so when you first walk in, but they are rich in little nooks and corners to store everything you were able to fit into the suitcases and bags you lugged onboard.

Get the vocab correct:

• You’re on a ship, not a boat. There’s a way to discriminate but it’s a bit involved to go into here.
• A stateroom is your room (sounds posher, somehow).
• The steward  is responsible for all your housekeeping, an indispensible person.
• Learn which is Port and Starboard (OK, I never quite got that) but it’s easier to remember that left has four letters and so does Port.

My maritime dyslexia is easier to understand when you know that sometimes I was battling to know even which way we were going – and therefore which was Aft/Forward – especially when the seas were calm. But that’s a good reason!

Much is free (well, included in your fare): meals, most entertainment, most activities.

But be aware of the extras: drinks (alcohol is the biggest money spinner for any ship, just ahead of the casino) coffees, photos, shuttles, shopping, internet, laundry, spa, excursions, cover charges, tips.

Here’s a tip about Tips – don’t forget them! Those hardworking waiters and stewards and others rely heavily on you coughing up and paying them. It’s part of their wage structure, and it can be made easier if you let the ship bill them daily to your account, although you can opt to deliver them personally. With a smile and a special thank you. They certainly deserve it!

One more thing you may need to know. Internet access is usually costly. We’re talking charges per minute. And you can’t always rely on it being available onshore, especially at remote ports.

Buffet or restaurant? Be glad if these are on the opposite end of the ship from your stateroom (doesn’t matter which way it’s going!) as the hike there will help (a little) to counteract your intake. It was a healthy 300 metres each way on a recent trip. Three meals a day netted us a useful 1.8km, and that was before the inevitable other journeys to the theatre, the café, the pool.

Discover your zone – loud, quiet, busy, private. There is somewhere for everyone. If disco music does not fit your mood, there will be a back deck or a library somewhere.

One of the best things about cruising is that you meet hundreds of people from all over the world. Most have fabulous back-stories; many are inspirational people – and that’s just the staff!

Of course your fellow cruisers will be just as mixed a group, and depending on the ship may be young and party-oriented, or older and more intent on finishing reading their book or attending a wine-tasting.

Learn to love hand sanitiser – sickness onboard is the bogeyman of every cruise line. Slurp it onto your hands and wash, wash, wash and you’ll stay well. That’s the plan, anyway.

Onshore trips are worth the effort. OK, the ship has more than enough to keep you entertained, even in port, but it’s shame to miss seeing new places. Just decide how you want to do it. The ship’s office can arrange  everything, or you can go free-range and organise your excursion yourself. Do your research to see exactly where the ship docks, though. Some of the very large ships may be forced to berth as much as 150km from the city you wish to visit!

Some ships are huge - up to 14 decks like this one, Voyager of the Seas.

Rules apply: While onboard and when ashore, you’re still bound by the need to obey local (and ship’s rules).

Special occasions: Be glad if your voyage includes a special day. Australia Day was a lot of fun with prawns and sausages on the BBQs, and Chinese New Year, an ideal opportunity in Vietnam to enjoy a range of delicious tropical fruit at the moonlit buffet on the pool deck with Vietnamese traditional dancing and background music.

Entertainment: You’ll be spoilt for choice with top class acts nightly, as well as piano bars, singers, dance contests, and a huge range of other activities.

Much is said about seasickness – yet in reality, most modern large ships have stabilisers and it is often not an issue. But there is another version, though – mal de disembarquement or mal de debarquement  – land sickness. That’s when terra firma becomes terra infirma!

One thing is sure. Cruising is addictive. Many guests become serial cruisers, notching up several cruises a year. Some specialise in doing ‘back-to-backs’; some people live onboard, ‘repositioning’ from the northern to southern hemisphere when the ship does.

Many return with a bunch of friends or family members.

MORE INFORMATION (we know you’re dying to find out more, now!)

Frequently asked questions…….

DID YOU KNOW?

• The cruise line industry generated more than $40 billion in total economic activity to the US economy in 2011.
• This economic activity generated 350,000 jobs paying $16.5 billion in wages to American workers.
• A typical cruise ship has more than 60 safety, environmental and health inspections each year.
• The U.S. Coast Guard inspects all cruise ships in the U.S. to certify compliance with federal and international regulations.
• CLIA's members are the 26 of the major cruise lines serving North America and have a combined 215 ships.
• In 2011, CLIA ships received an average Center for Disease Control sanitation score of 97, far surpassing the minimum inspection score of 85.
• Cruise line waste management and recycling programs are more stringent than those in most cities and ports.
• A record 20 million global passengers went on a cruise in 2011.

The International Cruise Council website has information on many cruise lines.

Find out what others say: but do take the comments with a grain of salt (or should that be a cup of salt water?)

(Sally and Gordon Hammond have travelled as guest presenters on several Celebrity and Royal Caribbean ships)